i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize