omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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