someone threw a dead crab at me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know her cup size but not her name....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
