Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
