Where did you get a picture of my penis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
