Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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