New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
