i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
