Someone shit on the floor
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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