One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
