I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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