we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
