Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
