So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize