I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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