I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize