wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
