is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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