So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
