she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
