guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
