My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
