I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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