If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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