great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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