I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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