We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
