Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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