Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
