hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize