need another drink. this is the easiest way
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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