I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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