this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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