this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
