Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
