we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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