He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize