Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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