Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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