drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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