dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
