I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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