Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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