Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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