Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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