oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
home. puking in laundry basket.
Is it because I queefed?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
