i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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