she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
