dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
