YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
