i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
In America we eat man semen.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
