Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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