I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize