Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
