I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
