420 ftw
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize