My brain says no but my pants say off.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
