I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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