Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
