I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
