I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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