my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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