You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
