I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
