no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm at about main and main street
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
