are you so shy because you have an std?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
