whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
