dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I want a musical about memes.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
