Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
