She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
