I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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