I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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