he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize