there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
